A sense of nagging percolates the mind. It is a war between logic and emotion. Mindfulness and urge. To resist or to purge. A purging of the body and one’s own inhibition to want and need, but there is a small voice that still exists-- reminding ourselves that we are enough as is. There is an overwhelming anxiety we cannot seem to surf, and it is what gets me into the mess each time. Somehow, I find it an old familiar friend. A comfortable ex boyfriend’s shirt that shouldn’t be worn, yet it always seems to find its’ way up the cool of the body once more. We sit in our shame and comfort because it is the only thing we have ever known. The only thing that could be worse is launching into a sea of unknowns, and that is precisely where recovery sits for many. For us. At least—for me. People wonder why we have held onto our disordered thoughts and habits so long, and I can tell you in my experience it relates to the anxiety of the unknown. The cycle is damning, yes, but starti...
I started this blog in late 2015 when I began eating disorder treatment. What started as a personal project, grew into a page for updating family and friends, and now thousands read these posts from all corners of the world. This blows my mind. Today, I consider myself recovered, but my work as an activist is just beginning. For additional inquiries, please feel free to email me.