Skip to main content

Vulnerable Trust (AKA the getaway car and crazy cat lady starter kit edition)

     Trust. Being vulnerable. Taking a chance with someone, by letting them see the inner layers of yourself, sometimes to the point where they are wielders of information that could be used to hurt you down the road if they so choose... OK. So. Where is my rope, ladder, wine, getaway car, and crazy cat (or dog) lady starter kit? I need it stat.

     I love people. I care for people, and to lay down whatever I am doing to care for someone else is something I would do in an instant if it is to mean that their day or moment may be a little lighter, or brighter because of it. You never know the battle someone else is facing, or the story that lays deep beneath a persons eyes. Be kind, and gentle in your ways, and hug the ones you love. Hell- hug the ones you can't stand too- they tend to all too often be the ones who need it the most, and fall to the wayside because they have never received the love that they deserve as well. We are all children trying to navigate this messy, discombobulated world.
     Trust is so fragile. It takes a lifetime to build, but like a twister, a matter of seconds, and you are never the same as the person who entered. At times, these storms ruin everything in their paths, and when they hit- lives seem to be torn to shambles. So many have their stories of bitter wreckage, and pain. Why else would so many walk around on broken glass behind crooked smiles leading double lives? They know no other way to cope, other than their double live personas that have now engrossed their once content whole selves, and they know not how to regain that. To merge back into what they have come to love. To ease the swelling, and pain of lies, brokenness, heartache, and mourning for what is gone, or the emptiness that they cannot begin to mend; for they have forgotten how.
    But fear not. Stars shine so brightly amidst the darkest night skies, and empty hearts will swell full of love that they never knew could exist. Trust is terrifying because it means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable to people we may not entirely know. It is a leap of faith into a new world where we could be broken further, or once again. But, it is also a chance to be renewed, and molded into something wonderful, and rise from the ashes. In being vulnerable-- we are free.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Learning to Live

     I had to go grocery shopping. I came home Sunday night knowing there would be no food in the house for me to eat.  *Disclaimer: I had asked mom to hold off on the shopping- and shout out to her for going with me to learn about my meal planning*      This task, so simple to most, which I've always enjoyed doing had become a cruel game to this heavy loaded mind. A task such as entering a store for three items, left me dissecting labels in the store for hours, often leaving with a different cart than intended, for I wanted the "best" option for my body, all the while I was slowly killing myself. The aisles seemed to rise over me, and close in, while the food choices seemed endless yet so little to choose from. It was the equivalent to feeling like a lab rat in an experiment, or one of those shelter animals that everyone stares at, but feels sorry for. I began hating grocery shopping for it felt as though every person was judging my cart...

No Fat Girls

    Pink Martini was playing in the car when I read "no fat girls." This bumper sticker plastered to the back of this old, worn nissan driven by a man who had been eyeing me as I tread through the parking lot certainly made me want a martini, but I sat behind this man for a solid two minutes at a stoplight of what seemed to last eons, feeling the repulsed state of hatred and anger within myself further manifest.      This is not the first time I have seen this or things such as this either. Unfortunately, it will probably not be the last either. I realize America is a free country, of free speech, and before I go running my mouth- I know just as I have the right to express my outrage, he has the right to express his opinions of sexualized, false manhood, and egocentrical boyhood vain, and shallow desires in the land of unattainable appearances in the complex of what I would furthermore simply describe as- "asshole."       Ok......

Followed in the Night (and turning it around)

     I've learned that the world is full beauty. But from beauty also comes a realm of darkness.       As I arrived home the other evening following a lengthy day including voice lessons, treatment, church choir, and a rehearsal for singing in church on Sunday it was growing late, but I have certainly come home much later before. The rain beat down on the road, and the streetlights dimly lit a path for passerby's. I always keep the car doors locked- not even out of fear, but out of safety and common sense. As I pulled into my spot, I responded to a friend who texted me asking a simple question, and noticed an email from a professor. Midway through reading this I realized that the car that had driven up the street and pulled up just behind me, but partially beside me had been a car parked out in the street with their headlights on for about three minutes by this point. My instincts heightened, and I became uneasy. I know I made a mistake now, but...