The Tales of Virago-- A Beautiful Mess

     I have this thing I carry around with me. Inside of me. It looked longingly to me in hopes that perhaps I would set it free, but alas I did not. Rather, I made the decision to bring it friends, and I let them manifest as guests for far too long. I wish I would have known, but I cannot change time, nor can I undue actions. I cannot change people, but only myself. I have worn many faces. I guess after enough time you grow accustomed, and do not even realize you are doing it. A lovely actress when I desire. Until there comes a point when you become so consumed in the persona you play to the world each day, that the woman underneath slips away, and you never even vaguely noticed.       I played the confident enchantress. A role of many- and then I was a friend, or counselor, or student of outgoing statute when in reality I just wanted the floor to swallow me, as I would cling to the minutes that crept by on the clock until I could go bac...

      Her eyes were heavy, just like her emotions that she had been pushing underneath the carpet for the last week or so. As the deprivation became more prominent, more pronounced- it became harder to fight the very things to which she had been denying. Her eyes fluttered a little, and her phone went off. He asked her how she was, but she told him she was fine, and put a smiley emoji. It was simple to fabricate things through messenger. It is so simple for all of us to wear masks, but it is so damn tiring. It catches up to you.      To say that life has rainbows and butterfly's would be a boldfaced lie, so perhaps it would be in my best interest to stop walking around acting as if it were. I am all for the fake it until you make it act. Or even the putting on your big girls pants attitude, and leaving your shit at the door so you can get through the day, and do things for the better of the group. However, at the same time there comes a point w...

     She swore that it was all an accident, or that it was from being sick- but she kept losing weight. They all began to stare at her, and the slow painful spiral that could end up being her largest downfall. How far will she have to walk the tight rope before she falls, or is blown away. I often wonder if she thinks about that. She walked with me in my darkest hours, afraid of losing me... and now I am terrified of losing her. But, I wonder if she even realizes it. Do you?        It's a strict regiment of exercise, "building muscle," slaving away to your scale- and you think it is a secret that no one knows. You've been showered in compliments of your new tone, or your "healthy diet," and strong commitment. You find yourself being admired by people who had not noticed you before, and you find yourself able to cope with the world that seems to be spiraling out of control all around you- but you have this. This "cozy" sense of security...

      There is so much I would tell you if words would not fail me. I hope you realize that your worth is not in your academic successes, or how long it takes you to graduate. That it is not the amount of time spent practicing, becoming a slave to your craft- because even if it is your joy, your body knows when enough is enough. Listen to it. I'm begging.      You are not the food you must now eat to nourish your body, in protest because you so long deprived yourself of it due to societal standards, and fallacy's that made you believe you would become fat if you were to consume it, or the rich decadent desserts that are "guilty pleasures" because you deserve them far too much to ever be guilt laden. The guilt you feel for going to bed when you are tired.. I pray you learn to allow it to wash over you like a calm wave because darling,  your body knows best.        Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is sto...