I have this thing I carry around with me. Inside of me. It looked longingly to me in hopes that perhaps I would set it free, but alas I did not. Rather, I made the decision to bring it friends, and I let them manifest as guests for far too long. I wish I would have known, but I cannot change time, nor can I undue actions. I cannot change people, but only myself. I have worn many faces. I guess after enough time you grow accustomed, and do not even realize you are doing it. A lovely actress when I desire. Until there comes a point when you become so consumed in the persona you play to the world each day, that the woman underneath slips away, and you never even vaguely noticed.
I played the confident enchantress. A role of many- and then I was a friend, or counselor, or student of outgoing statute when in reality I just wanted the floor to swallow me, as I would cling to the minutes that crept by on the clock until I could go back to my room, and fall into a deep sleep. Away from the world where I knew I would be safe.
But in life, there is reality. One cannot live in their bubble of isolation, yet they cannot run until the point of sheer exhaustion either. We are not made for suppression, or for being gatekeepers. We are made to live outside of our cages, and in the sunlight. Yet, somehow, this cycle is one we fall guilty to- and it ruins us. It doesn't have to end this way.
It is never too late to change the course. There is balance. Freedom in calling darkness into truth by name, and realizing you are not the atrocities you battle. Living kinder lives- to not only others, but to yourself. Letting go of what cannot be changed, and assuring yourself that you are doing what you are now able to. Letting yourself know that you are worthy, and so are your thoughts, and ideas. Your sweet demeanor. The internal things. When the world seems to be a realm in which we are delegated to hide as we stumble through the darkness, sometimes it is as simple as lifting your head up from the cold, dim ground which you have gazed upon for far too long; to fix your eyes on the light that shines so brightly just for you. The best is yet to come.
I played the confident enchantress. A role of many- and then I was a friend, or counselor, or student of outgoing statute when in reality I just wanted the floor to swallow me, as I would cling to the minutes that crept by on the clock until I could go back to my room, and fall into a deep sleep. Away from the world where I knew I would be safe.
But in life, there is reality. One cannot live in their bubble of isolation, yet they cannot run until the point of sheer exhaustion either. We are not made for suppression, or for being gatekeepers. We are made to live outside of our cages, and in the sunlight. Yet, somehow, this cycle is one we fall guilty to- and it ruins us. It doesn't have to end this way.
It is never too late to change the course. There is balance. Freedom in calling darkness into truth by name, and realizing you are not the atrocities you battle. Living kinder lives- to not only others, but to yourself. Letting go of what cannot be changed, and assuring yourself that you are doing what you are now able to. Letting yourself know that you are worthy, and so are your thoughts, and ideas. Your sweet demeanor. The internal things. When the world seems to be a realm in which we are delegated to hide as we stumble through the darkness, sometimes it is as simple as lifting your head up from the cold, dim ground which you have gazed upon for far too long; to fix your eyes on the light that shines so brightly just for you. The best is yet to come.
Comments
Post a Comment