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Fluidity

     It is truly amazing how much bullshit spews from my mouth when I am not careful with my words. To be deceitful, and go into autopilot to please those around me, and "perform to perfection." The daunting work on a road that lies ahead when you realize the smooth silk of words as they role off your tongue in this person that is you... but she is not you because it is merely a monster that encapsulates your very shell at what feels to be every moment unrelenting.
     Breathe. 
   You don't have to have life figured out. I don't have to have life figured out. Fine. Speaking of which, I've come to learn that fine might as well be saying fuck you- fuck off because that is the crock of shit for which most people have come to interpret this arbitrary, middle of the road word which people use so often to keep a murky veil over their wave of emotions that scare the living hell out of them. Perhaps it is because the feeling of sadness... well, sucks; but moreso because being vulnerable is absolutely terrifying. 
      I am learning to soften my heart. No one needs to know everything- that's not someone's job. However, in being more fluid, I am learning the beauty of authentic, and real relationships. In confiding something uncomfortable, and hearing a sigh when someone says- thank God I no longer have to walk alone, or feel trapped in darkness. Under sheaths of shame. By being honest- thinking- it allows people to come alive- stay alive. 

     I do not know everything-- and I sure do screw up enough- but if there is one thing I will take from days like today... it is that in all things- use your words carefully, and thoughtfully. The difference can truly be a make or break.   


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