Words. Permanency. They cannot be returned, and they have been ingrained at a level deep beneath the outer edge. It is a core that has become so scarred, and full of contradiction that it is furthermore unable to carry its' load, nor can it begin to traverse through mangles of toxicity, and in its' confusion begins throwing out the kind nurturing soil it is being given instead. As if it were strangling its own roots that are being fed to regrow its' tender, fragile, delicate state that is so crucial to healing...
Words can be utter hell. They are the mantras of a dantes inferno that come to meet you in the dark during your worst nightmare, and taunt you to no avail. They tear you down as you have begun to crawl and see a spark of hope. As you begin to finally think that maybe-- just MAYBE you can- and DESERVE to recover- and have a purpose. Those people who tear back that shade, and make you feel so small yet again. As though you have no control over your life, and you must in the process surrender yourself to this unobtainable image, that you will never have, yet long for anyways... that you do not deserve, and never will. That you should strive for, and damn well die trying.
Their words sting like ice. Like your purple ligaments from the malnourishment of not properly feeding your body. Their words leave you reeling, like when you wonder if you are going to black out, but lie and say you are fine- because you want to push others away, the way you have been pushed away. Been felt to be made as if you were a burden. Undeserving of love. Of care. That you don't deserve it, and that you never will.
You struggle to say I love you because you wonder if you ever truly have been.
Words can be beautiful-- but they can be the ultimate demise. We are wielders of such fragile things in a potent world.
You are not alone in your battles, and no matter how fierce the storm- and how weak, and numb your body- surrender is never an option.
Your words can be devastation. Please think before you speak.
Words can be utter hell. They are the mantras of a dantes inferno that come to meet you in the dark during your worst nightmare, and taunt you to no avail. They tear you down as you have begun to crawl and see a spark of hope. As you begin to finally think that maybe-- just MAYBE you can- and DESERVE to recover- and have a purpose. Those people who tear back that shade, and make you feel so small yet again. As though you have no control over your life, and you must in the process surrender yourself to this unobtainable image, that you will never have, yet long for anyways... that you do not deserve, and never will. That you should strive for, and damn well die trying.
Their words sting like ice. Like your purple ligaments from the malnourishment of not properly feeding your body. Their words leave you reeling, like when you wonder if you are going to black out, but lie and say you are fine- because you want to push others away, the way you have been pushed away. Been felt to be made as if you were a burden. Undeserving of love. Of care. That you don't deserve it, and that you never will.
You struggle to say I love you because you wonder if you ever truly have been.
Words can be beautiful-- but they can be the ultimate demise. We are wielders of such fragile things in a potent world.
You are not alone in your battles, and no matter how fierce the storm- and how weak, and numb your body- surrender is never an option.
Your words can be devastation. Please think before you speak.
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