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Worthlessness Set Free


     Whether or not the statement holds sentiment and truth, or is a preposterous tangle of deceit, when someone tells you something for long enough, it is hard not to find yourself questioning the statement's validity. This is a rocky trail to traverse because under the perfect conditions it can create a nuclear bomb of messy syntax, disdain, and trauma to which one will never recover. We are sponges that absorb the world around us- including the things we are told: what we are, our worth, beauty, intelligence, who we can become, what we have already become... our failures, our worthlessness, our doubt, our incompetence, shortfalls, and each ugly bitter detail that makes us unworthy of love or value. Or so we think.
     We live in a society where we are exploited to unrealistic perfectionism, and find ourselves being scrutinized under standards that are laid so heavily upon our fragile beings. Society expects me to carry the world without flaw, with calm demeanor, all while being told I am too young to be a real adult. To rent a car, to have a house, to take a loan- heck- to run for president.
     I have been walking so tediously on a precarious cliff that has been laid before me, as I try to prove to the world I am capable, but in the process have forgotten that I am a human of worth. That I do not have to live a life that is planned to each pristine curve, and that if I am making mistakes... then so be it. I scrutinize myself, and by doing so I forget how far I have come. I watch as others do the same, and step in to remind them to be gentle with themselves, only to go home and tell myself what a "piece of shit I am" verbatim. If I had a penny for every time in the last month alone I have said this- I would easily be able to fill my gas tank. 
     These emotions. This pain. It does not appear overnight, nor can it disappear that quickly either. I can affirm myself, but unless I- or you truly believe it- nothing will change. You have to truly realize that you are enough. That you are valid- or that you are doing your best. Despite how high the waters rise, or how dark and long the nights may seem... it is ok. My identity is in Christ. As a Beloved Daughter, I need nothing more. Affirmed. 
     I try to remember this light because no matter the darkest night... there is hope. No matter the hate, or scrutiny and pressure of society... I am enough, and so are you.  

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