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Tidal Wave

     Waves. The water has finally slowed to subtle ripples that seem navigable, only to be in a full blown tidal force so great that you are struggling to breathe. Struggling to stay above the water. Forget the boat you were in because you know it is gone. You are merely hoping- praying that someone sends for a life preserver to come save you as you begin to feel helpless, as your eyes dart back and forth. You no longer feel that you are an adult- only to be reduced to the child people frequently mistake you for anyways, and you now believe you are too. The glassy look in your eyes that tries so hard to choke back the tears, the broken sentences, the fear... you lose the ability to take care of yourself. You feel mournful. You grieve. The bitter air fills your lungs as you try to remember that the sun will rise and shine again, and it is just behind the cloud- and it is not really even gone. But it is so difficult. But so is life. And you are pissed at yourself for being sad, or not doing everything you are supposed to- and realizing there are people who have it worse than you, and you should be able to brush yourself off. But that isn't really you speaking either. Rather an inner monster attempting to drag you back into the sick, vile shadow on the door of death that once encompassed the healthy girl you are trying so desperately to gain back.

     You never realize how strong you have to be until being strong becomes your only option. Keep looking towards the sun, and the shadows will fall behind you- the tidal waves can't last forever. It is okay to make a mistake, and need a shoulder. To cry. You are doing your best, and it's enough.

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