The Tales of Virago-- A Beautiful Mess

     I got called a snob in studio today as I recited my favorite kind of icecream. (PS- It's dark chocolate coffee bean with toffee bits) I mean, if you were judging me based off of the given description alone- you would probably tell me I am pretentious- or if you simply knew I was a light lyric coloratura soprano who follows the typical norm of enjoying warm tea, cute cafes, and owns over thirty so called "soprano scarves," then yes- by all means, you probably would think from the outside I am the biggest so called basic "Butler Bitch" or stereotypical "Soprano Snob" that this school could carry.      For the record, the snob crack in studio was satirical, and made by my lovely studio teacher, who I adore, and have a great relationship with- in response to my best snarky remark- and well deserved in the moment. But, the point is- for so long I have walked around pretending to be something that I simply was not.      Comi...

I wish so desperately that I could take certain pieces of time, and simply stay within them forever, yet I realize the best to be done is savor them in the moment because I always know it's going to feel far too short. The moments in which you have finally quieted your mind from the world that archaically spins around it, and the seconds in which your heart knows the feeling of peace. You realize the moment will soon be but a blip, but you are grateful, and appreciate it for what it is- after all. it is the little things that have always meant the most. This summer. Five months in which so little yet so much has changed. The girl who came home at the foot of death's door is not the young woman who will embark on a new journey in but  a few hours. The girl who came home was so young, but so aged. Ancient. You could see it by the bags beneath her eyes, and the sunken in bones which she carried under frail shoulders. When you look at her now, her eyes light up, and she knows of ...

     I was eighteen and pissed off at the world, but you never seemed to mind. For that matter- you encouraged the words, as I slowly found courage to speak, and finally express the anger that would slowly seep through passive-aggressive smart ass commentary; as I struggled in the scavenger hunt for words that could not seem to find their way. After being hurt so many times- distance, walls, and sabotage were all I knew, but you never blamed me for that, or gave up in searching for someone who had gone missing. I, and my heart were victim to suppression deep beneath countless layers of apathy, and fear disguised as anger turned outward-- to only later be retracted in the form self resentment, and a loathing so deep it would once again, almost kill me the way it did the first time not too long before we crossed paths. But you have stayed every step of the way.      I thought I would hate you initially-because everyone else had either decided I was...

     The sun has barely begun to veer its' head over the horizon, and the moon is saying its' last goodbyes to the sounds of the quiet night, as you slip your way from a comatose sleep. You do not want to get out of your warm bed that begs you to stay; to take care of your self, and listen just this once, but you do not care. You have forgotten how to. You immediately walk over to the mirror, and look at everything you hate about yourself, and the things you want to change. Essentially veering over your whole wiry body as the keurig is brewing a single cup of starbucks roasted, or dunkin to "power" your wiry body through its' workout, and only then will you allow yourself to eat a coveted forbidden breakfast. But it's okay- because strong is the new skinny. This is not disordered- it is simply fitness. Taking care of your body through exercise. You will eat fruits, and vegetables. Nuts. *As you're really going nuts* The clean eating. It is eating. It is w...

Classic, and timeless- so chic, but elegant with intricate, and delicate detail that isn't too over the top, but gentle. It is beautiful. Simply beautiful. You are beautiful.  I try to inhale these words, as they come in their due timing. The wind outside is gentle, and the sun is peering through a swirl of grey and blue skies as I am standing in my Steve Madden booties with eyes peering around the Starbucks; taking in the soft jazz that is playing, the moms standing behind me in their excited chatter about back to school lists, and summer vacations, or the regular in front of me coaching the barista in training "how it is done." I am lost amidst my thoughts. Another day is slipping through my fingertips, as I ponder upcoming weeks, future ambitions and goals, day to day to-do lists, or game plans of what I can conquer in my day off, and what I have and have not been doing correctly to better myself as I regroup from- yet- another appointment. I am one of the lucky o...