To my Once Beloved Fitbit,
You are the sleek, lovely, coveted black charge HR that has received many a compliment from others. The organizer that holds my life together- helping me feel in control, and giving me a sense of organization as I can peruse through the stat quo, and track my each and every sign on my wrist, or phone. Never having to worry, always knowing everything, from my pulse, to a phone call, to steps, to calories. I claimed these things were good so I could supplement my body in the ways I needed to. So I could know when my bradycardia was turning for the worse. So I would not miss a call from the doctor's. I justified these things, and my eating disorder spoke so smoothly to cover my tracks. I truly believed all of these things. And that was my biggest mistake.
You are the culprit. But it isn't entirely your fault- it's me. Well, I guess you could say it's an illness of an eating disorder- an exercise predilection- and a drive to be perfect- but regardless, it must go. We are no good for each other. Part of relationships, is recognizing and weeding out the toxic ones. Part of recovery, is walking away from the things which keep you sick, and you're simply too much to handle for me right now. An addiction really. The fashionable band I have prided myself on as having control over- I only now recognize more so a disguised handcuff to which held me a prisoner for too long. The control was over me. Enslaving me prisoner to my thoughts, and the torment of the overcritical, perfectionistic, unrelenting, never satisfied mind to which I call my own.
I want to trust myself- not you. I am going to walk through my days, and walk through life normally with my head held high. Set my own goals, and dreams. Lead a life of health, and love. Laughter, and smiles, and I don't need to know my steps taken or calories burned in order to do so. I would say it's been nice knowing you- but it really hasn't. It's actually been pretty dark. But it has been a learning experience, and those make me stronger, so thanks for that.
~The girl who just gained a little more freedom
You are the sleek, lovely, coveted black charge HR that has received many a compliment from others. The organizer that holds my life together- helping me feel in control, and giving me a sense of organization as I can peruse through the stat quo, and track my each and every sign on my wrist, or phone. Never having to worry, always knowing everything, from my pulse, to a phone call, to steps, to calories. I claimed these things were good so I could supplement my body in the ways I needed to. So I could know when my bradycardia was turning for the worse. So I would not miss a call from the doctor's. I justified these things, and my eating disorder spoke so smoothly to cover my tracks. I truly believed all of these things. And that was my biggest mistake.
You are the culprit. But it isn't entirely your fault- it's me. Well, I guess you could say it's an illness of an eating disorder- an exercise predilection- and a drive to be perfect- but regardless, it must go. We are no good for each other. Part of relationships, is recognizing and weeding out the toxic ones. Part of recovery, is walking away from the things which keep you sick, and you're simply too much to handle for me right now. An addiction really. The fashionable band I have prided myself on as having control over- I only now recognize more so a disguised handcuff to which held me a prisoner for too long. The control was over me. Enslaving me prisoner to my thoughts, and the torment of the overcritical, perfectionistic, unrelenting, never satisfied mind to which I call my own.
I want to trust myself- not you. I am going to walk through my days, and walk through life normally with my head held high. Set my own goals, and dreams. Lead a life of health, and love. Laughter, and smiles, and I don't need to know my steps taken or calories burned in order to do so. I would say it's been nice knowing you- but it really hasn't. It's actually been pretty dark. But it has been a learning experience, and those make me stronger, so thanks for that.
~The girl who just gained a little more freedom
Comments
Post a Comment