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Unraveling

     I finally thought I had found my worth, and then I came home. Life unraveling at the seams in a matter of days- the progress fought so hard for unhinging at the tips. Your pointed words seemed to creep closer until I found myself being suffocated by a tangle of denigration by not only myself now, but the affirmation of others of what a waste I was. How I was a burden. How my work was but meaningless.  How I was meaningless.
     It feels as though the waters are rising around me, and I gasp for air that simply does not exist, or lifeguards that simply cannot save me, and I feel pathetic as I cannot save myself. Somehow I have forgotten how. Amidst your words, your calls, the body shaming encounters I have had- the attacks upon my dignity, the mutters beneath his breath when I enter the room, the outbursts... I feel overwhelmed.
    I know I must make it, but I do not know how. I must. I must. I have to. I must. 
   
    I plead with myself for it is all I know. I pray for it is all I have.

    I wonder to myself how an environment can turn a strong, independent, and thriving woman into a tearful, trepidacious, and anxious ball of uncertainty, resentment, and dischord waiting to crack in  less than 100 hours. 

Is it time for the next semester yet?

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