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Learning to Fly

     She is composed of intricacies of emotion that weave in and out of her each and every breath. She is small, but mighty, and growing stronger each day. She is fire and fury, full of questions and in awe of the vast world around her. She steps with care to make sure no delicate beautiful detail is overlooked. Once fragile, she is taking back her strength. Her words are the key to unhinging years of shame, and disparity locked in an icy cage beneath trauma, and a bitter lonely downtrodden road of dark hues in a forest where there were no stars to be seen...but they are shining again.
She is me.
    I thank God that I finally grew tired of fighting constant fatigue. The battle to keep your body alive is overwhelming, and the voice that eats away at you day after day is simply daunting. The worst part is, shame cages you into your own world, shutting everyone out. This little songbird was seated in darkness. Never could I recall another time in which I felt so numb or mute. A total shell to the world that was incapable of accepting love, or giving love for that matter. I simply forgot how, and while it is still a work in progress, I am thankful that I am now at least learning to accept the care of others.
    I am done maliciously sabotaging myself because I am actually getting well. Mistakes are okay, and I am thankful that I have awoken and seen some light. I was having a conversation with a friend, and we were discussing how important it is to be able to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we've made, and move forward because when we cannot, it is detrimental. Along with recovery includes setbacks. Recovery is not a smooth and flawless process as I am already beginning to see. There are (ample) tears, mistakes, setbacks, struggles, laughs, and in the end you look back at it and wouldn't change a thing because although it is all difficult in the moment it reminds you of why you chose recovery in the first place.
    I'd say in departing from my time being able to truly focus on myself as of lately, what I take and give is this: life's struggles are never going to disappear. The discomfort, pain, scars, and difficult emotions... they do not completely diminish, but they are manageable, and can be dealt with. No matter the struggle, you are strong and worth it. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Trust yourself when you are set free to fly because you have been released from the cage- now it is up to you to take your own destiny and run with it.. the choice is yours.

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