Skip to main content

Learning to Fly

     She is composed of intricacies of emotion that weave in and out of her each and every breath. She is small, but mighty, and growing stronger each day. She is fire and fury, full of questions and in awe of the vast world around her. She steps with care to make sure no delicate beautiful detail is overlooked. Once fragile, she is taking back her strength. Her words are the key to unhinging years of shame, and disparity locked in an icy cage beneath trauma, and a bitter lonely downtrodden road of dark hues in a forest where there were no stars to be seen...but they are shining again.
She is me.
    I thank God that I finally grew tired of fighting constant fatigue. The battle to keep your body alive is overwhelming, and the voice that eats away at you day after day is simply daunting. The worst part is, shame cages you into your own world, shutting everyone out. This little songbird was seated in darkness. Never could I recall another time in which I felt so numb or mute. A total shell to the world that was incapable of accepting love, or giving love for that matter. I simply forgot how, and while it is still a work in progress, I am thankful that I am now at least learning to accept the care of others.
    I am done maliciously sabotaging myself because I am actually getting well. Mistakes are okay, and I am thankful that I have awoken and seen some light. I was having a conversation with a friend, and we were discussing how important it is to be able to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we've made, and move forward because when we cannot, it is detrimental. Along with recovery includes setbacks. Recovery is not a smooth and flawless process as I am already beginning to see. There are (ample) tears, mistakes, setbacks, struggles, laughs, and in the end you look back at it and wouldn't change a thing because although it is all difficult in the moment it reminds you of why you chose recovery in the first place.
    I'd say in departing from my time being able to truly focus on myself as of lately, what I take and give is this: life's struggles are never going to disappear. The discomfort, pain, scars, and difficult emotions... they do not completely diminish, but they are manageable, and can be dealt with. No matter the struggle, you are strong and worth it. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Trust yourself when you are set free to fly because you have been released from the cage- now it is up to you to take your own destiny and run with it.. the choice is yours.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Things Left Unsaid--Part one of the blog poem series

Snow White As the white silently encloses Covering everything it touches It is so serene And we go back Dawning on white blankets of crystallized cool Sliding into the still of the night. It is you and your thoughts: Just one last gaze at the white- To escape To forget the night. Each night. To forget our thoughts At least- that is what I imagine it to be like. It is calm. Each crystal entering as you lay there Allowing your body to finally be free. White blankets that disregard the worry outside your window Because one more night with this raw person you were Seemed like far too much. So we cover ourselves and watch this peaceful scene as the crystal Sinks. It is the silver snake working its way through skin. And we slumber into transcendence And learn that heaven is white, too It is blues and greys.  Red. A clear sky morning. But the earth begins to moan beneath White blankets fade in and out for those left behind. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Being Alone

          I've thought about it- but I realize that I would probably be better off saving my energy for something else. I would be a fraud were I to deny that the emotions are there. Those emotions, the thoughts-  they still wage a war to relinquish control upon my life. They have become so interwoven, they must be gradually peeled back, as if they were intrusive claws being drawn away from a tree in the darkest of storms. The scars that remain are undeniable, and the sound of war is most simply described as deafening.      You kind of miss these thoughts, or perhaps these people. It's a twisted, sickening, convoluted game that others may never understand, unless they have been in your shoes- but for those who have been here- I need not go any further. For those who have not- it is the kind of mourning wherein we do not miss the pain of our tormentors or the war's we waged for our sanity. We miss the comfort of never being alon...
Post a Comment
Read more

Open Letter to The Girl Who Wishes She Had an Eating Disorder

     To the girl who wishes she had an eating disorder:  Oh, words. There are so many things I would like to tell you in this moment, but all too quickly the time passes. My heart shatters in watching your eyes grow dark in the pain, as I watch you belittle yourself, and absorb the pointed and loaded remarks of society. I am sorry that society has made you feel so inadequate that you have the overwhelming urge to turn against yourself in your quest to find peace and self satisfaction. The satisfaction that society will never give you, and I guarantee you will never get.      I am sorry that society has told you your worth in life is based off your size, or how many calories you can deprive yourself, rather than the overflowing compassion that flows from your soul, or the beauty of your free and passionate fiery spirit. I am sorry that society has become the fragile layers of ice upon which we traverse, when they offer no support, and we s...
Post a Comment
Read more