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Balance in Moving Forward

     "Balance is the most important." Five little words so quickly forgotten. The irony in the fact that out of 100 affirmations in a box *96 by the time I got to pick..*, I received these wise words of advice. Samantha- the perfectionist who hyperventilates at the thought of not receiving an A in a college course, or falls to pieces if she isn't able to reach her idea of "perfectionism." Except the problem with this is that she will never be good enough. The perfect body, grades, social status... Samantha who wants to balance everything by being everywhere at once, involved in everything, doing everything, pleasing everyone, on top of the world, calm, cool, composed, elegant, and lovely. Except avoiding the very emotions that gradually eat away at her inner being, eventually causing her so much anguish she takes the internalized discord and channels it towards piecing away at her body. 
Balance. Is. The. Most. Important. 
     Recovery will largely depend on learning how to balance all things. It will be knowing how to say no, and accepting that a B is not the ultimate downfall. It is understanding that sometimes our best is going to have to be enough, because it is. Balance is the art of prioritizing ourselves first to take care of our needs, and then reaching out and sharing the love that has been given to us because when we have been given love it is our job to share that; but this can only happen when we are well. 
     Through the process of treatment, I have been forced to learn that I am not Wonder Woman (although I can bite off a hell of a lot), but that's not the point. I've learned that taking care does involve prioritizing the most important things. Going forward I will have to cut back and make changes, but coming to this bridge in my life I am learning to accept that. Going forward, and gravitating toward the next phases of recovery, I am beginning to understand that balance involves saying no- and stopping to smell the roses. Perhaps coming to this realization, and finding that self acceptance is what I've needed all along. 
     I know I am still going to struggle, and I will have to be called out from time to time. I know I am too hard on myself. I am only human. But balancing the many hats of life is so crucial- for when we don't that is where burnout comes into play. It is where deceitful emotions can slip around your inner being a wicked row of thorns, and engulf your life with toxicity leaving you empty. I go forth and look for peace. Knowing I leave treatment Sunday- I go seeking the freedom in balance and release.  

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